Verbal Judo, by George J. Thompson was recommended by a security expert at a workshop I attended at a local school. Sadly, we live in a world where teachers need training on how to protect their students from someone wielding a gun or a kidnap situation. But, although George Thompson was a scholar, policeman and police officer trainer, he points out that we can use the art of gentle persuasion in all sorts of situations from diffusing a fight to persuading a store keeper to issue a refund.Here are his five universal truths of human interaction:
- All people want to be treated with dignity and respect
- All people want to be asked rather than told to do something
- All people want to be informed as to why they are being asked or ordered to do something
- All people want to be given options rather than threats
- All people want a second chance when they make a mistake
He also points out that people can usually be broken into three categories: Nice, Difficult and Wimps.
The nice people will not complain and are happy to help and have a hard time saying no, but if you don't treat them well, you'll lose credibility and they will gradually stop supporting you.
Difficult people are persnickety. It is usually pointless to try and explain why they are asked to do something. They may not even care about consequences if they fail to obey. The best way to approach them is to tell them early on what's in it for them - what they will gain. If that doesn't work, tell them what they will lose.
i.e. If your child refuses to clean their room tell them if it's clean every day then they will have certain privileges, if that doesn't work, reverse it and tell them those privileges will be taken away.
Wimps appear to be nice people but will talk behind your back. They won't challenge you face to face but instead they will make disparaging remarks to others or start legal action against someone. Usually if you confront them they will back down.
